The Grannies: Some Hot, Old Punk Rockers

Feature: The Grannies
Album: “GumJob”

By Aaris A. Schroeder
Editor-In-Chief
April 16, 2007

San Francisco and Oakland, CA based punk-rock band, The Grannies are everything that confrontation-punk rock should be: In your face, bringing their fourth full-length album and DVD combo, released in ’06, entitled “Gumjob,” produced by Seattle rock veteran, Jack Endino, known for producing and working with such groups such as Soundgarden, Mudhoney and Nirvana.

The band is made up five members rocking out always, Garfield AKA Jim Abram vocalizing harmony, Egan, AKA Tom Wilberforce on lead guitars and back-up vocals, Palmer AKA Innis N. on rhythm guitar, Walcutt AKA Chuckie Carroll working bass and backing vocals and Quinby AKA Isacc AKA Skippy slamming drums away in real-punk like fashion.

Punk rock has never been so much fun as these post-80s sounding rockers punk out in granny outfits; how fitting for a band named, The Grannies, with elderly woman flower-dress attire, those horrid dark nylon stockings, wrinkled face masks and grey wigs to match. This is definitely a show to never forget.

“The danger that we used to see at shows in the 80s like the Butthole Surfers, SNFU, Flipper and other hardcore bands is totally gone. [There is] just a ‘get ready for anything’ type of approach that has been missing in rock since the mid-90s when all anyone wanted was to be the next Nirvana. They failed to notice that Nirvana never set out to get famous, it just happened,” according to Egan.

“Some people say the Grannies are the inevitable end result from a society that has abandoned its educational system and lost all contact with its morality and civic cohesiveness. The truth; of course, is much, much worse,” according to The Grannies biography.

The Grannies have released five projects that include, “The Grannies S/T DT-001,” full-length album released in ’01 and “Taste The Walker, DT-004” put on the streets in full-length taste in ’02 and released on their own label, Dead Teenager; “Sorry B/W Teenage Kicks,” a two-song seven-inch 45 RPM released in ’03; “Erected Lady Man, WT-002” a full-length punk fairy tale, released in ’04 and; of course, their new album, “Gumjob/Granarchy In The E.U,” full in length and strong as well since it comes with a bonus DVD, released this year in ’07. The last three releases and DVD were produced by Wondertaker Records.

With songs such as, “Don’t Step on my Tits” and “God Bless a Man in Dress” on the Gumjob album, The Grannies know how to get down on a comic level and still rock out in punk style.

Other songs to check out by The Grannies are, “Jesus was a Homo,” and “Wipe it on Drew” on the “Gumjob” album and “Drainpipe,” “Chain Wallet” and “Crime Still Pays,” on the “Erected Lady Man” album.

“Kicks ass, majorly,” says Palmer about song entitled, “Erected Lady Man.”

“We write way better songs and we look way hotter than anyone else. Plus we have the distinct advantage to not giving a shit,” says Garfield.

The guys also hold amazingly interesting jobs when they are not performing, check this out, Garfield works in Haute Culture, collecting Airsickness Bags and Macramé while Egan is a bit of a ‘furry,’ or to be politically-correct, a ‘buggy’ as he dresses up as a bug and pogo-sticks while Hebimetasan dancing keeps him busy. Palmer ambasses toothbrush handles and raises and shows off his personal computerized pets. Walcutt punches flies.

“I mean, sure you can fly-swat them but why not just hit them in the face? They are kind of hard to hit so it makes me feel satisfied when I knock one out of the air,” says Walcutt.

Quinby, besides playing drums and reading squirrel comics, has a fascination with researching combat weaponry and torture devices from ancient times.

“The ironic thing is that I’m truly a pacifist,” says Quinby.

The Grannies worked on creating the tracks for three years and recorded this entire album in seven days, proving they mean business and are very good at what they do not only at shows but in the studio as well.

“Unfortunately the state of rock is pretty lame right now. The average American has his or her iPod and they go see some crap like AFI once in a while. That is not rock. That is rich suburbian white boys who couldn’t quite make it in the modeling field,” according to Egan.

The DVD that comes with “Gumjob,” entitled, “Granarchy in the E.U.” actually was a project that took Vermont-based filmmaker, Spett over a year to accomplish, according to Sluggo. The video features their tour June ’05 tour-takeover in Europe.

“[The video] has nice interludes, quasi-interviews with semi-coherent ‘fans,’ threats from others and a naked Belgian trying to hump our singer! Quality ‘edu-tainment,’ I would say,” says Sluggo.

Summer ’07 will take The Grannies back to Europe where they will be touring Germany and other nearby countries.

The Grannies have such a great vibe about them and energy level that it is definitely felt through boom-box speakers and high-volume amplifiers at live shows.

“The feeling permeates every cell in your body, the chill that runs up your spine from a great song. Seeing a room full of people cheering and/or yelling at us [have influenced the band,” says the band.

Being in a band such as The Grannies warrants cop cars blocking venue-payees and band members inside clubs as well as offering a little “edutainment [for] the public,” according to the band not to mention how hot girls get when these flower-dressed men perform.

“You’d be surprised how many chicks dig a guy in a dress. Seriously. Being in a dress takes all the macho/ego thing right out of the equation. And then we just blow all the other bands right out of the water with our music, not to mention [our] attitude. Plus it’s way fun -- in a retarded sort of way,” according to the band.

Although some critics may feel that The Grannies aren’t taking the music industry seriously but then once you see this professional hard-core punk band perform – as fun as it is – this is really a show worth seeing.

“When we’re at the top, all the other schmucks can look up our skirts,” says the band.

According to The Grannies, they are the most powerful band ever, “with five sets of interchangeable laser eyeballs, macro-hydraulic jump-a-tronic dresses, super ‘somgobulating’ automo-wigs and an extendable Octo-claw colostomy bag. Not to mention powered by three separate twin-turbo 9000 SP5 Kung-Fu Titanium/Lithium allow processors which are built into a virtually indestructible ‘flexo-growmonic’ endoskeleton that has the power to punch through cinder blocks, crush steel in their vise-like grasps and plow mercilessly through poorly written run-on descriptors.”

To learn more about The Grannies and to check out those automo-wigs while they perform and pick up an album [just picking up an album isn’t the whole package] visit their official band website at http://www.thegrannies.com or their label website at http://www.wondertaker.com. If you are too broke to attend one of the best hard-core punk rock shows you ever will see and most entertaining, visit http://www.CDBaby.com, http://www.iTunes.com or http://www.Rhapsody.com among other CD vendor websites and search for your new favorite punk-rock band.